My Smile
This morning I woke up thinking maybe today my smile will be even. I try to smile and feel my cheek and eye pulling, a result of synkinesis. I tell myself tomorrow I will look better. This is the mantra I have been repeating over and over for most of the year. I convince myself everything will be okay again; I will get my smile back eventually. On a cold rainy day like today, I have my doubt. Will I? Most days, I am positive. Other times, I stumble and feel depression weaving into my mind and entire being when half of my face, eye and ear hurt. I have been living with Bell’s Palsy. September 25th had been a year.
What Causes Bell’s Palsy?
What causes Bell’s Palsy? It is thought to be a viral inflammation attacking the facial nerve (the 7th cranial nerve) causing muscle weakness or paralysis on one side of the face. After ruling out stroke, the doctor said it was likely from chicken pox I had as a child. Chicken pox or varicella-zoster is a herpes virus that remains in the body permanently, but silently. The virus reared up when a trigger weakened my immune system. Some Bell’s Palsy sufferers claimed it was from exposure to the Covid-19 virus. I hugged a colleague at work and later I had two unusual sharp pain on the back of my ear. I went to emergency the next day when my face started to droop. That colleague tested positive for Covid-19. There is no proven record for this claim but who knows…maybe one day scientists will confirm it. The exact reason isn’t clear, but you can read what Mayo Clinic website stated.
The Moment I Saw My Face Changed
I went to bed early after collecting my prescriptions for steroids and an antiviral medicine. The moment I saw my face changed in the morning, I cried and shouted for Shane. My face was visibly crooked. I looked grotesque with a swollen cheek and couldn’t close my eye. Water splattered everywhere when I brush my teeth. I made a mess of myself. Eating and drinking became difficult, I lost the sense of taste, and my speech was slurred. I drooled in my sleep and must tape my eye shut to protect it. A week in, my lymph nodes were so swollen, and I had developed ringing in my ears. I was in massive pain and so miserable.
Support Group
While many online articles were informative, I was profoundly lost and scared over everything I was experiencing. There was nothing written about the intense pain, fatigue, and depression. I also think many articles downplay the severity of Bell’s Palsy and healing time frame. I joined a Facebook support group and saw a therapist to help guide me through. Support group answered all my queries and offered solutions to manage our pain and living with Bell’s Palsy. I learned many healed quickly BUT there are also long-time sufferers. These heroes offer emotional support. My therapist showed exercises and massages to manage pain and relax the muscles.
Living with Bell’s Palsy
Living with Bell’s Palsy make me self-exam myself. Am I judging myself through my smile and appearance? People tell me they can’t see the difference on my face. I want to believe so badly but I see and feel the difference. My facial expressions channel my emotions. A mismatch causes discord emotionally, and it took a while to adjust. Do I care if my smile is crooked? Yes, but it is not going to stop me from smiling and laughing. Shane makes sure of that. I know I was going to be okay when I asked to take a photo with a friend. My face hurt more as the temperature gets colder. I overcame depression after I had to stop painting rocks to give my eye time to heal properly. I cook and write instead. It’s a daily struggle to motivate myself to exercise my face because I don’t see progress.
Life Lessons Learned through Bell’s Palsy
I like to share some life lessons learned through Bell’s Palsy. I have greater empathy for people suffering in quiet. Don’t assume they are free from discomfort or pain because you cannot see any visible disabilities. Reach out if you know someone dealing with depression. Sometimes a short message is enough to tell her she is not alone. It is okay to cry and to feel depressed but please seek help when depressions hinder your daily life. It is okay to tell a person you cannot imagine what she is going through. Please show compassion and don’t ask a person to get over it. If you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself. Engage in positive activities. I strongly belief my faith in God helps me put things in perspective. I am appreciative of the little things in life, hopeful for a full recovery but I know I will be okay if I don’t. PATIENCE is the keyword.
This YouTube video from JJ Medicine explains in detail about Bell’s Palsy. It’s long winded but a good source of information if you have just been diagnosed.
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